Delicious healthy fish chowder

Fish chowder is one of those things that I LOVE. It’s totally a guilty pleasure, full of dairy and potatoes and fish and other deliciousness. If I see it on a menu, I feel almost compelled to order it, but the madness had to end. I set out to make a version I could enjoy and feel a little less guilty about.

This version… this version is delicious, creamy, and so guilt free it could be eaten every day with a clean conscious. It has a slight hit of heat, but certainly not enough to overpower the delicate flavor of the fish. Roasted garlic lends an earthy flavor without the overpowering flavor of onion, and by roasting the cauliflower it brings out some subtle nuttiness.

I forgot an ingredients picture (whoops!) but I DID get a new lens for the old camera for my birthday. (Thanks Dad!!!) There is still a learning curve, but I think the pictures have improved!

Stuff going on…

I know that I’ve not been so great about posting lately, and I truly apologize for that. It’s hard for me to talk about but I’ll do my best.

I’ve always struggled with depression. It’s been the longest on again off again relationship EVER. The same can be said about some pretty serious anxiety. It’s very tough to put into words how hard these things are to deal with, much less to talk about them. Over the years I’ve developed my own coping techniques. I’ve learned to withdraw (not healthy), deep breathing and relaxation (healthy), a variety of other good and bad things, some I’m proud of, some I’m not.

When I got home from visiting my mom recently, those coping mechanisms seemed to stop working, and the anxiety has gotten worse. I feel a bit like a stranger in my own life. Every second is a struggle, every moment is spent focusing on putting one foot ahead of the other. Anxiety is insipid… every niggling little worry blows up into a full fledged panic situation, despite all logic and reason. The heart races and pounds, it becomes hard to breathe, and for me at least, I become certain I will die.

It’s hard to explain to people that haven’t ever experienced these things how debilitating the feelings of hopelessness depression can bring about. The feeling that you have no worth or value in life, and aren’t contributing anything. It might make no sense, the sensible part of the brain may know different, but the demons shout it down, and the sensible part becomes smaller and smaller.

A few weeks ago, totally separate from this, I started seeing a therapist for dealing with the body and brain stuff for my fibro. Tuesday, I went and saw my doctor and they doubled my antidepressant. They also gave me a script for some Xanax to get me over the hump. I see my therapist on Monday. Hopefully all this will start helping soon.

I realize my posting is getting a little erratic. It seems unfair that my shortcomings should affect my readers, and for that, I apologize. As soon as I can get you something new and delicious, I will. Even if it is just one new recipe a week, I will start posting as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you for being so patient.

Vacay extended!

I’ve decided to stay in Maine with the mamasita a few days longer, so I’ll be headed home midweek. I’m hoping to get back to my regularly scheduled posting habits next week, so stay tuned!

It’s been great to spend so much time with my mom, and I thank you all for your patience.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!

 

I’ll be on vacation for the next week(ish), so I’ll be away from the blog. Mom’s birthday was yesterday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMSTAH) so I’ll be visiting her. YAY! 

Truffle bar… cake?

I’m not really sure how to categorize this little beauty, aside from it being STUPID delicious. It’s no bake, and a perfect treat for Valentines day. This makes quite a bit of this delicious truffle cake thing, but wrap slices of this tasty treat in a piece of parchment paper and hand them out. (Just make sure to keep them cold)

This is seriously outrageously decadent, and delicious… with just a hint of warmth from the cayenne and cinnamon, and strong notes of orange. Seriously, so good. If you want to make it extra fancy, dust the outside of the loaf with cocoa powder, but even just naked, you can’t go wrong.

Also, just a few things of note, very quickly. A) CONGRATS to my friends Sam and Jay on the new addition to their family… they just welcomed a sweet baby girl into the world! B) This will be my last real post this week. Hopefully I’ll have another addition to the how to section on Friday, but after that, I’ll be offline for a week.

Thai-esque chicken stew

This recipe has a somewhat similar flavor profile to the Asian style chicken soup I made when this blog was fresh and new and shiny. However, it has quite a bit more kick, and is more of a stew than anything. In other words, it’s super stinkin’ tasty, and really filling and satisfying and soul warming. Just what the doctor ordered when feeling cruddy or in need of some comfort. Plus, it’s made in the slow cooker, so it’s mostly wicked easy.